The Day My Students Called Me Fat | Talking to Kids About Body Image

^^^Clearly NOT my real body. Because as the kids pointed out, I'm chubby. Duh.

 

The Day My Students Called Me Fat

Talking to Kids About Body Image

It was a day like any other.

 

My morning started at 6:30 a.m. Breakfast, lunch packing, kid dressing, and finally, getting myself ready. Despite popular belief I’m not much of a morning diva; I usually only have about 20 minutes to get myself ready after I’ve taken care of other details, but sometimes I hit the jackpot and nail my “look” in record time. Other days, I just deal with it.

 

On this day in question, however, I felt good about my fast-paced primping. I was donning a cute, thrifted black and white knit dress, paired with some black tights and heels and red lipstick. I gathered my things, dropped my son off to his class and made it to work on time with a hot coffee in my hand and a smile on my face. Success!

 

Feeling “put together” in the a.m. helps me to juggle the wildly varying responsibilities I have at the wonderful non-profit I work for. I wear many hats—PR practitioner, graphic designer, specials teacher—so it’s nice to feel on point and ready for the day. Though I enjoy public relations, writing and web mastering, one of the most wonderful highlights of my job is working with children. I look forward to my weekly music classes (this year marked my 14th teaching season), and my first class of the day was an energetic group of four-year-olds who couldn’t wait to see what music class had in store for them.

 

“You look great today!” one of the teachers exclaimed as they came through the door. “You’re always looking so snappy.” And just as I was relishing that compliment, I heard from the back of the line, “And you’re fat, Miss Chantal.” Another student ran up directly behind the first student, confirming what his friend had observed. 

“You are, Miss Chantal, you’re fat.”

 

 

I know—when you hear it,  you wince. This is normally where an entire day can be shot down, into a rabbit hole of “I’m-no-good-ness”; where a person who is otherwise feeling fantastic is suddenly catapulted in to a vortex of self-loathing and physical criticism that lasts for hours, maybe even days. And certainly, the other teachers who were corralling the wily bunch of preschoolers stopped dead in their tracks. It was almost as if you could audibly hear the needle scratching across the record.

 

Despite the looks of horror around the room (even from the kids), it didn't send me in to a sad spiral.

 

“Hmm,” I said to the students. “Let’s come in to the classroom and talk about that.” I gathered the wide-eyed kids around the gathering rug and took a breath, thinking about how I would address this issue.

If you’ve been following my blog, you might have heard about my recent appearance on Muskegon’s 100.9 FM with The Bond Broadcast. In that episode, I was asked how parents or caregivers can handle body image issues. My answers lined up with all of my values on paper, but sometimes it can be hard to follow through with those kind of ideals in the moment, so I wanted to collect myself and think carefully: how could I communicate the dangers of noticing another person’s body in a way that is hurtful, while also expressing love for myself in a non-damaging way?

 

The kids sat around the circle. They had heard. They knew. And they were nervous. I’m sure they thought that there was probably a big, intense diatribe headed there way, about how the child’s comment had “hurt my feelings”.
 

I looked around at all of the precious doe eyes staring back at me and took a breath.

 

“You called me fat,” I said to the student, “I guess my body looks fat to you. And that’s ok.” Silence from the circle. “Bodies are different,” I continued. “Some are big, some are small.” The kids nodded in agreement.

 

“If you call someone fat it’s mean!” A little girl on my right chimed in. “I would tell someone they looked skinny to be nice!” Touché, little one, I though. You’re picking up what society is laying down.

 

“If you really wanted to be nice to someone,” I said to the group, “You could notice something else about them. Maybe they are a fast runner. Maybe they can sing well, or tell funny jokes.” The kids nodded. One boy raised his hand. “I can jump high!” he said.

 

“Right!” I continued. “My body is very fit, too! And I love my body, very much. I’m so proud of my body that I don’t want to hear you say anything negative about it.” The children looked surprised to hear me make this statement, but the idea slowly started to sink in.

 

“It’s okay for you to notice someone else’s body,” I said to the little ones who were shuffling their feet and biting their fingernails in front of me, “But it’s not up to you to comment on someone’s body. Keep what you notice to yourself. And be proud of your body.”

 

The children seemed to understand, but a few weren’t ready to move on from the topic. “But we can say nice things!” they offered. “Sure,” I responded, “If you know for sure it is kind. But most of the time, it’s not up to you to comment on someone else’s body.”

 

There was a moment or two of silence and I smiled. “Who’s ready to make music?”

______________________________________

There's so much I left out of the conversation, but children have short attention spans. I wanted to let the kids know that I valued my body, but I also wanted them to know that it's really not okay to comment on how people look most of the time. I know that includes compliments--but we know that can be a slippery slope. "Wow! You're so skinny!" might not be interpreted the way you think. This is a complex matter that adults don't always get right--let alone children. Of course, most of the time, their motivations are pure. They haven't learned to be facetious or passive aggressive yet.

I won't say that I had the perfect response that day, but it wasn't one that left me with any regrets.

What are you teaching your children or students about body image? Let's continue this conversation below in the comments! 

I'm Bringing Beauty Back | Re-Writing "All About That Bass"

I'm Bringing Beauty Back | Re-Writing "All About That Bass"

OK. So, I'm late "weighing" in on this one, and I know it.

The thing is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about this song because, well, it's everywhere! On the radio, when I'm out shopping, topping Taylor Swift in the charts! And, unfortunately, stuck in my fiance's head, which completely enraged him and made me laugh.

People obviously like the song, because it's hugely popular at the moment. When it first came out, so many dear friends messaged me to share it with me. It was sweet that they thought of me when they heard it, and the association was well intended. However, upon my first listen all the way through, I was pretty perturbed by the lyrics. I also didn't care so much for the fact that it seemed as if Trainor was "accessorizing" with black people. If you haven't heard the song yet, check it out. The lyrics are seemingly innoccous until you get into the first verse, where Trainor begins to drop little notions that don't exactly resonate well with me. 

As many others before me have noted, the song seems to suggest that women should frame their ideas around their physical worth based on what men like...but then it gets worse. Trainor calls out the "skinny bitches" in a passive-aggressive voice, but recants a moment later when she claims all of us are "perfect".  We know this isn't helping women out there--I mean, it makes sense that we would validate all bodies and shapes. You can't possibly succeed at raising the confidence of a particular set of women by tearing another set down. This is only creating unrest and feelings of inadequacy amongst people who really DO need to embrace their perfection.

Some people claimed that listeners should "just have a sense of humor about it", when folks like me expressed concern. Against all good judgment, I made the mistake of reading the comment section from an article regarding Trainor's recent chart-topping, only to find this comment from Bill, who wrote on 9/11/14 at www.Yahoo.com:

"I think it's fun. It's obvious she's not a bombshell and she knows that. It's obvious that this type of song is an uphill battle for someone like her, and she knows it. So, she put all that aside and made the song anyways just for fun to see what would happen."

Wait, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, BILL?

I'm sorry, but why is Meghan Trainor not a bombshell? And how is her song like an uphill battle? Please do explain. Because her entire physical persona is presented for your evaluation. So enlighten us, Bill, on all of the "obvious" shortcomings that she has.

But I digress.

We (women of all shapes) have worked long and hard to appreciate our bodies. We simply can't tear eachother down, and though it may seem that a "thin" girl couldn't possibly be offended by the lyrics to this song (a possible perception of a world thought to be dominated by some sort of elite perfection), we have to consider the message we're sending.

Though there have been so many interesting commentaries on this matter, I thought it might be thought-provoking to simply flip the script. 

Here are selective passages from "All About That Bass", rewritten from the opposing perspective:

Yeah it's pretty clear, I ain't no size fourteen
But I can shake it, shake it like I'm a beauty queen
'Cause I got that perfect shape that all the boys chase
All the right gaps in all the right places

Yeah, my momma she told me don't worry about your size
She says, boys they like little flat tummies to hold at night
You know I won't be no thick-figured, plus size or big and tall,
So, if that's what's you're into
Then go ahead and move along

I'm bringing skinny back
Go ahead and tell them chubby bitches “Hey!”
No, I'm just playing I know you think you're fat,
But I'm here to tell you that,
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top

AMIRIGHT?

It's pretty clear how upset people would be if these lyrics were in a hit song. Perhaps outraged might be a better explanation! I have a feeling that, deep down inside, the intent for "All About That Bass" was positive. Yet, when a song is so catchy, and really gets gets in to your head, that's even more opportunity for the same message or mantra to be sent, over and over again, to your sub-conscious mind. It becomes a subliminal meditation!

When it comes to messages about self-acceptance, we can only hope that more high-profile artists will begin incorporating lyrics that empower and compliment ALL body types, and more importantly, encourage self-love that goes beyond the reflection in the mirror.

In closing, I've re-written just a small portion of "All About That Bass" with a message that I feel is more important than booty--which, by the way, NEVER LEFT THE BUILDING (so we didn't need to bring it back).

ALL ABOUT THAT BASS 

(Re-written Thrift Trick Style):

I'm bringing beauty back

Of all varieties and cultures that

Women belong to--we’ll define it as

Your soul and spirit. 

Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top!