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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Someone Else

Don’t you ever wish you were?

Someone else, that is?

I know I do from time to time--but luckily, I gravitate back to embracing (and appreciating) my God-given vessel. I thought it would be fun to be a cartoon character for a day; something a little different. I wish it were that just as easy to transform in real life...with a mere Photoshop brush or two.
I was reminded of my body's reluctance to change (i.e., reduce) this weekend when I caught a glimpse of a few shots taken of me as I ran a local 5k. I absolutely adore running--and do it often. However, despite my active lifestyle and a healthy diet for years, I've been stagnant on the weight loss front. Without pulling a Lucille Ball, I'll tell you--it's been a devastating road of frustration, resentment and the desire to smash plates. But back to the pictures...
There were a few of me running in the race that were actually cute! But 70% of them showed my thighs like I've never seen them before; frozen in a pendulum of inertia that would make any respectable girl cringe. As I gaped in my seat, wondering WHY God has done this to me--cast me into this prison of a Lithuanian brick house--I was reminded that pictures almost never reflect truth.

Anyone who has taken a mobile pic on the lake--hoping to capture the brilliant water and the pure joy of relaxing on a summer day--only to rediscover days later a flat, pixelated and sad little snapshot--well, they know what I mean.
Anyone who has ever smiled--not meaning it--to mask a tortured bruise deep inside themselves...well, they get it.

Ask the girl who was having an amazing hair day and wanted to capture it...but ended up taking 450 shots with her ipod before getting a singular snapshot that somewhat represented how she felt she ACTUALLY looked that day. (Not that I'VE ever done anything so silly).
Why do pictures do this to us? Highlight our faults, and expose a harsh and cruel sub-reality that doesn't seem to reflect who we really are?
I guess I believe the answer lies within the same rationale that reasons why sometimes words can't describe a moment, or why a feeling can't be expressed with the available vocabulary you have.
How can we possibly transcribe a three (or more?) dimensional world with two dimensions? I don't know. I don't know that it's possible. I do know, however, that the challenge makes me love photography even more; it drives me to capture what I believe is closer to the truth. It also allows me to move past the injuries I feel at being ensnared in less than flattering portraits. I have to try and remember how I really FELT at the moment the picture was taken, and if things don't line up...I know it's just a lie.

Here’s to finding the truth…in front of the camera, and behind it.

P.S., the cartoon girl in this blog is wearing an entirely thrifted outfit
with a vintage scarf as a cumber bun style belt!

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